


Thick like honey

by joeytrlbiani (wlntrfell)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Guilty Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Season/Series 15, Short One Shot, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlntrfell/pseuds/joeytrlbiani
Summary: Almost immediately after Jack leaves as the world’s new God, Dean decides to take himself on a drive. | #Destiel #Angst
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, DeanCas, Destiel
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	Thick like honey

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: very sad, will low-key make you want to curl into a ball, also my first fic so I’m sorry if it’s bad - I just had this idea in my head and I had to write it.
> 
> Originally posted to Tumblr, which you can find here >> https://joeytrlbiani.tumblr.com/post/635041005391036416/almost-immediately-after-jack-leaves-as-the

~~~

“But Dean, we just got ba-”

“I know Sammy, but I’m just taking some me-time.”

“Are you sure you’re okay Dean?”

“I’m fine - look, I’ve got my gear. I’m just taking baby out for a quick spin. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Sam’s eyes glance over Dean and then he nods, turning towards the bunker’s library as Dean picks up the cooler and rod. It had only been a day since Jack had left, and even though the world was back to normal, neither Sam or Dean had really… Talked about any of it. Not in any way that mattered. The beer swooshes slightly as Dean makes his way up the stairs, rocking back and forth, and he pushes the fishing rod into his armpit before using his free hand to pull the door open.

_I know how you see yourself, Dean._

It shuts behind him, and leaves a hollow echo in his ears.

* * *

Dean closes the Impala’s trunk and makes his way to the driver’s side. The afternoon air is still - not a lot of movement in the leaves of the trees around, and Dean keeps his green jacket on as he takes a seat. The keys slide into the ignition and turn, and baby rumbles as Dean stares ahead.

He turns the wheel and pulls out onto the road, and he glances to the empty passenger’s seat. It only happens for a brief moment, but the air in the Impala thickens ever so slightly.

_You see yourself the same way our enemies see you._

He feels an empty, and pushes his foot down on the accelerator.

* * *

Dean’s hand pulls on the handbrake and the keys turn, with baby’s rumbles falling silent. He hears the ripples of the water against the dock, and a small black bird glides above into the trees across the lake. Dean’s eyes follow the bird, watching as it dips and flies, but his body stays still.

_Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love._

Dean’s fingers wrap around the door hinge and his legs step out of the car. He thinks about the cooler and rod in the back seat, and the folded up chair in the trunk, and pulls open the back door of the Impala. Dean’s arm extends and flips open the lid of the cooler - his hand wrapping around a bottle of beer. He thought he’d put ice in there, but as Dean pushes the Impala’s back door shut, he’s forgotten for a moment if he actually grabbed a beer at all.

_Because you cared, I cared_

Dean’s body pulls him towards the water - towards the nose of the Impala that points out and extends to the end of the old wooden pier. One of his fingers glides against the black metal, dragging itself along with Dean, and the gravel shuffles under his feet. As he settles against the hood of the car, Dean’s eyes can’t seem to shift away from the dirt on his shoes. He follows the seams along the toe of his left foot, where specks of burgundy have settled into the creases.

_You changed me, Dean._

Dean’s eyes flicker up to the lake in front of him, and his arm brings up the bottle into his peripheral. Dean’s hand grabs the small metal opener from his back pocket, and locks it in place between the bottle’s neck and cap. With a twist, the cap unlocks itself, releasing from the glass and falling back into the gravel below with a light clink. A small hiss escapes the bottle, and Dean’s hand raises it to his lips.

_I love you._

* * *

Dean’s hand stops. The smell of beer trickles up into his nose as the bottle lingers just in front of his lips, and Dean’s eyes focus intently on the end of the dock. They burn into the wooden boards - Dean’s gaze so strong that one might believe he could see through the boards, through the depths of the lake and right beyond its floor into the cracks of hell itself.

There are no flames, no heat, no smoke to glaze his eyes, and yet - they sting.

As he lowers the bottle slowly, Dean raises his eyes towards the evening sky. The sun still looms - it’s orange hues overlay the stars shifting into view, and Dean clenches his jaw. A small whisper chills the wet lines running down his cheeks, and breathes against the back of his neck as his shoulders stutter ever so lightly.

* * *

There was not a living being in sight at the lake that evening as Dean leaned against the Impala - only the small movements of the water and the occasional shift of air had kept him company. The bottle remained full, and kept upright in Dean’s hand even though, by the end, he had become numb to its presence. The stars above were the only ones who felt Dean’s heart peel itself away with every shattered breath that escaped his lips.

And there was only one soul there - shifting between the stones on the ground, the leaves in the trees and the ripples in the water - as Dean sent out a prayer into the air that thickened it like honey and left a hollow ache in his chest.

“You changed me too, Cas. I lo-”

Dean’s throat tightens, and the scene ahead becomes a blur. He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, but let’s the feeling fade away.

_“I'm so sorry.”_


End file.
